In the months following your daughter’s birth, you come to realize an important truth: being a mom with mental illness is not just hard. It’s impossible.
Today, tomorrow and long ago, God provides food for the people He loves. The people are stranded in the desert. No food. Worried that they’ll starve. So every day on their lunch break, God rains bread down from the sky, enough to feed them and their families until tomorrow. He asks each one not to take more than what they need for that day, because they need to believe that the next day, the same thing will happen.
You’re trucking along, minding your own business and feeling like you’ve got a handle on life. Then, when you least expect it, mist descends on a bend in the road. Your sense of security evaporates, and you hover on the brink of the unknown. My journey into healing is anything but linear, and some days are better than others. And in this journey of becoming more whole, taking each day as it comes, in frustration and in thankfulness, I can be flattened by a bend in the road.
March 15, 2017: For the last two weeks, my exhaustion and moodiness had reached new heights. The nausea and fatigue dragged me from my bed to the couch and back all day long. I told David repeatedly that it was over, I was done with GAPS, it obviously wasn’t working anymore. When my period was late, I decided to cover my bases and take a pregnancy test. I had a feeling it was going to be positive…and it was!